How to Hold a Mediation

Steps and tools for the formal practice

Over the past four months, Geof and I got trained in the practice of mediation. We did this formally, through the International Mediation Campus.

For those seeking this sort of training: I’d give IM Campus a 7.5/10 for their course.

• Benefits were a highly international training cohort (I think we had 28 students from 22 countries at the start), which was lovely for exposure to different cultural styles and systems, and a diverse group of teachers each of whom was expert in their field.

• Detriments were that not all the teachers…actually knew how to teach well. Their back end communication and support were okay but not great. And the classes were at 7am Central twice a week. (I don’t know if this is the time for all their classes, just the one we took.)

Post that 40-hour training, Geof and I are about to hold our first professional mediation today. I am…somewhat terrified!

Thus, today’s article will be an overview of the steps of mediation - the parts of pieces we intend to use, including lots of specific questions we might ask and tools to use. In an article later this week, I will likely talk about what we did in the mediation itself.

I will give no details on the case we’re mediating, because one part of mediation is strict confidentiality. This will all be theory and my own learning.

I want to think this through carefully, because I have discovered that there is no such thing as a “low stakes mediation”. With most new learnings, I’d try to get a lot of low-stakes practice before upping the ante. But mediation is most people’s last resort. Despite me having asked for test cases and clearly defined that it’s a practicum for us, the future of several businesses and a nonprofit hang in the balance of us doing this one - our very first mediation! - well.

This high-stakes nature is one area in which I notice mediation deviates from “holding space”. I’ve done a lot of informal Circling, Authentic Relating, and general space-holding for couples and groups in crisis. I firmly believe in the power of having a third party when you can’t see eye-to-eye, for the main purpose of slowing things down when they get heated.

But, the difference between space-holding and mediation is that mediation is expected to return results. It is a goal-oriented process. It may take one session or ten, but the mediator, whether in a legal case or a personal one, should help the parties come out with an agreement.